Over-indulging grandparents is a problem that makes parents extremely uncomfortable because the elderly often do not realize it.
As a parent of a child, as well as a child of grandparents, of course you do not want your child to be spoiled, nor do you want to be a child who is rude to your parents. Therefore, according to psychologists, there are the following ways you can do it.
Be honest with your challenges
We all want the best for our kids, so it’s a good idea to help your parents or in-laws better understand the problems they may inadvertently create.
For example, it should be shared with parents so that they understand that children eating too much sugar or being exposed to electronic devices for a certain period of time can make it difficult for them to sleep.
Together with grandparents to come up with solutions
You can’t stop grandparents from loving their grandchildren, so forget about forbidding them to pamper their grandchildren. Saying words like “Grandparents can’t do that”, “Grandparents don’t understand anything”… does not bring benefits, on the contrary, it also makes family feelings dent. Talk to them patiently, as this requires a process, not just a one-time conversation. Coax your grandparents to raise them the way you want them to. Get grandparents to accompany you in your child’s upbringing by empowering them to oversee the rules you set.
Don’t be manipulated
When you say no to your children, they may turn to their grandparents for support, with the goal of being able to do what they want. However, don’t compromise just because you’re afraid to confront your grandparents. Gently convince your grandparents to see your side of the story and ask them to respect your rights as a parent.
Better yet, you can let the grandparents talk back to the child that the parent said ‘no’ to their suggestion, so the child has no reason to complain further.
Actively choose the battle
Not every confrontation needs to be “battled” and not every situation needs to be too rigid. Grandparents can spoil their grandchildren in many ways, from constantly buying toys for them, feeding them sweets or watching iPads too much… However, you should consider whether the indulgence is worth fighting for. argue or not, especially when grandparents only see the child occasionally. Sometimes, you need to be a little flexible. As long as they respect your most important rules, it’s best to be open-minded.
Agree with alternatives
Instead of robbing grandparents of the opportunity to pamper their grandchildren, think of helpful ways they can still give them something special and meaningful. For example, instead of expensive toys, grandparents can create a savings account for your child or can fund their swimming or dance classes.
You can also let grandparents and children have more time together, giving grandparents the opportunity to buy things for your children such as books, clothes, shoes…
If clever measures don’t work, you need to show the grandparents the consequences of their pampering. For example, you show them that grandparents let their children stay up late, making them ineffective in class, eating candy causes them to have tooth decay…
However, you also need to speak in moderation, do not speak harshly to grandparents when there are children there.
Let the children be cared for the way grandparents
Although you don’t want to spoil your kids, it’s a healthy idea to raise them with the idea that each family has different rules. If your children go to the grandparents’ house to play, let the grandparents take care of them in their own way. Understand that children are not always there, and when they are at home with you, they are completely compliant with your rules.
Thuy Linh (According to Asianone)
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